Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
