it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
