They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
