I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
