And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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