so explain again why im purple
no
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I deserve this hangover.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
