I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
