Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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