I cockslap morals
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
