If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
