summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
