I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
