He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
