So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
