Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
