Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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