Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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