I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
