I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
