i think my tv is drunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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