he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How does one acquire holy water?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
