He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
God, I missed his penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
