He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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