I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
