Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
