I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
