I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
