Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
