Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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