I've blown a few things in my day
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
