i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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