That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
