1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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