i think my tv is drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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