google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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