I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
