You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
