Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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