Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
