So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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