Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
