I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
