i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
