all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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