SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
