i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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