Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
