i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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