Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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