I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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