is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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